RISE ABOVE IT

When walls close in, skies turn gray,

and dreams seem like they're awfully far away,

you're probably just forgetting that the same "hands"

that created the sun, the moon, and the stars,

are still holding yours, anxious to help.

The Universe

www.tut.com

I planned some fun things to do yesterday and was making a list of garage sales to check out for a couple of tall kitchen bar stools for my grandson. I looked my front door and right there across the street sat the two metal bar stools with upholstered seats at the sale they had just opened.  I was

delighted with the price of only ten dollars for both as they were very nice with a lot of detail.  I had them put them in my car and then changed my plans and decided to take them to my daughters so our dogs could play while we visited.  I then went to my grandson's after he got off work and he was thrilled with my purchase, just perfect he said.  Then I went on to visit the younger grandsons on my way home.  I had a wonderful day,  the weather was perfect, it was great to get out of the house and visit my family.

I was after ten pm when my husband called to say he was almost home so I excitedly told him about my purchase and that I went to my daughters.  His comment was 'I've heard enough' and the center of my heart seemed to deflate a little.  He was perturbed that they didn't drive here to pick up my purchase.  So, I took a deep breath and said to myself  'rise above it' and went to bed while he was walking the dog.

This morning it started all over again, that I run up there everytime they want anything and it was my second trip this week.  That my kids don't have any respect for me because they never come here to visit, blah, blah, blah.  I said I don't want to hear anymore so just go mow the lawn. So after slamming the door he went to mow the lawn.  I had just had to take a phone call and handle some business for my Mother and was overwhelmed with that.

So now I have gather my thoughts and rise above it as I pack to go to Vegas.  I will visualize a golden bubble of light surrounding my body and pull out all my tools to keep my self centered.

Tomorrrow, May 20th is our seventeenth anniversary.



TEARS FROM HEAVEN

One day several weeks ago one of the little first grade girls told me that rain was God's tears.  I had never heard that explanation of rain but that was what she believed and so I asked her what she thought thunder was, she didn't know but was quite certain where the rain came from.

So if God's tears flowed from the heavens and watered the beautiful flowers and made the grass grow from the release of tears I began to wonder about this fact the little girl was so sure of.  Did the release of tears held in for many, many, many years cleanse my heart and soul of the pain held there?  I believe it did.  Maybe God gave us tears to release our sadness, to express our joy at the birth of a newborn baby or to shed tears at a beautiful wedding ceremony when two people are joined in union.

The miracle of the tears, I will long remember their powerful release under the guidance of my very special healing touch provider, Carley Mattimore.

FEEDING THE LITTLE RED HEN

This is a photo of me feeding the chickens when I was about two years old.  Little did I know then that I would feel like the little red hen these sixty-five years later.  The anger I sometimes feel because I have been the one making decisions for my Mother these past seven years is overwhelming some days.  I am sure it is frustrating for my only sibling Carolyn, who lives in California   She will be making arrangement to come back here for a visit this coming week.

So the little red hen now has Hospice nurses and coming to Mom's home three days a week and another agency coming two days to to laundry and housework and cook food if she will let them.  The bath aid tried to make a visit on Friday and she told them she didn't feel like it.   Ok...then today she wanted to know when they were coming to shampoo her hair.  I met the nurse there Friday and Mom didn't feel well which is understandable with all the cancer she has in the upper chest area.  Since Mom had told me the refrigerator needed cleaned out and she didn't want her helpers to do it I started it while the nurse was there and she helped me.  I was so thankful for the nurse by my side as the complaints flew about every item we put in the garbage.  She has told everyone we threw out her supper and she had to eat a peanut butter sandwich.  The nurse said she is a bit of a hoarder.  I showed her the well stocked freezer and pantry which is well stocked that is would last for months.

I know she is trying to have control as she fights for her life and to reach the big 90 on June 7.  She doesn't want a big party, just the kids and grand-kids.  I don't know if they will all come or not.  I have gotten her together with them several times and it is never enough because there is usually one or two who couldn't make it.   So the little red hen is turning the birthday party and invitations over to her only sibling

I hope I do what I do with compassion and empathy. Mom is elderly and is a child of God, as I am God's daughter also I try to see to her needs.  The grief I have is from never having a relationship with my Mom.  Will I grieve when she is gone...I don't think so...I want my past to be gone and to just know this was my cross to bear. I understand she didn't receive her Mother's love and was not able to give me what she had not received.  As far as I am concerned I feel like my younger sister was an only child.  She knows how it was for me and doesn't understand why.

I have told my son and daughter many times I don't want them to have to deal with what I have for the past few years...just put me in an assisted living facility and send a card once a year and live their life and be happy.

FRIENDS

photo from Lake Geneva

Friends and Their Limitations

by Henry Nouwen

We need friends.  Friends guide us, care for us, confront us in love, console us in times of pain.  Although we speak of "making friends." friends cannot be made.  Friends are free gifts from God.  But God gives us the friends we need when we need them if we fully trust in God's love.

Friends cannot replace God.  They have limitations and weaknesses like we have.  Their love is never faultless, never complete.  But in their limitations they can be signposts on our journey towards the unlimited and unconditional life of God.  Lets enjoy the friends whom God has sent our way.

I have always believed that people are placed on my path as I need them in my life.  Lately, I have caught my self muttering 'I don't know' and then when I catch my self using that phase I say 'God knows.'  That was proven once again yesterday when the Hospice Chaplain from Decatur called me  and we talked for seventy-five minutes.  I have not met Jan but in speaking with her she has great compassion and understanding for the situation.  I didn't know she was with the program, I had been told the Chaplain was a gentleman who started working at DMH before I left.  So through Gods divine plan Jan has been assigned to my Mother and offered my grief counseling after she passes on.  I feel like I have been in counseling most of my life and will accept her offer in the future if I feel the need.

I look forward to the upcoming Reiki retreat, crystal bowls and a day retreat at the Chiara Center.

I feel it is time to schedule another massage or facial and plan to have a manicure soon.  I just read a quote to be kind to yourself will make it easier to be kind to others.