The Maple Leaf That Made me Cry

The Maple Leaf That Made me Cry

　

In August of 1986 I was divorced at the age of forty one and being married for twenty three years I was in the throes of despair. He had been my first love at the tender age of only fifteen and I hadn’t dated anyone else. I had two beautiful babies by the time I was twenty and God gave the ability to raise them. My childhood was dysfunctal and I felt like a lost soul even though I lived with my husband and children. I never really felt connected to anything and more or less felt I was wondering aimlessly through life. Oh yes, I worked at the same employer for twenty three years. And since I couldn’t or wouldn’t share my story of my miserable marriage or the turmoil within myself my co-workers refused to talk to me when I came back to work after taking a week off when I was divorced. And so I felt even more alone but in time I met new friends who were also divorced and we were able to share the story of our personal pain.

After selling our home and moving into a two bedroom apartment on the third floor with a balcony I began to try to put the pieces of my life together which seemed like the patchwork pieces of a crazy quilt.

My beautiful first grandson was by then two years old and the only joy and passion I had in life. The disconnected fog was always there inside me even when I babysat which I did weekly and every moment I could. One day a year after the divorce while sitting at my little dining room table and looking out over my third floor balcony and feeling totally abandoned and feelings of tremendous despair a single Maple leaf floated down from somewhere above and landed on my balcony. At that very moment I began to sob and the tears would not stop. I suddenly realized I had not been present to life or the seasons of the past year and had missed so many precious moments of my children and especially my precious grandson. In looking back I realized I had not been aware of the beauty of the seasons my entire life and that I merely existed from one day to the next.

Especially this time of year I remember My Maple Leaf that made me realize what I had been missing. Maybe that was God’s way getting my attention because when I was a child I loved to climb our Maple tree and swing on my rope swing.

It has been a long slow climb to get to the place I am now in my life. I now love the seasons and God and the many blessings I have received in my life. I met and married a wonderful man and we love taking short trips and he is able to overlook my many issues as I am his. I am now retired and am still learning daily to be mindful and present to each moment.

And so I thank God for my Tree of Life which gave new meaning to my life.

Nov 12^th, 2010

Kathy Travis