LIFE'S LESSONS

tasting the stars

"is there a salve for the wounds of shame?' she asked.

a gentle smile spread across the old woman's face.

leaning closer, she whispered,

'ah yes, but it's more than than.

much more.

use it abundantly with kindness and sincerity

and it becomes fire for the soul.

it lights the very stars in side of you back to life.

it is compassion.

have compassion for yourself and others -

deep compassion, freely given,

and you will do more than heal those wounds,

you will truly life for the first time,

and you will taste the stars.'"

terri st. cloud



When I dared to ask an individual in my class if she possibly knew the homeless man, whom I had given  food and gloves, she was abrupt, telling me he probably wasn't homeless.  I had some warm neck scarves I wanted to donate to the overflow shelter and  was  informed that wasn't the place to take them.  I was beginning to feel stupid and felt myself growing smaller and smaller as this was all said in front of seven other class members.

During this brief conversation she told me they (the homeless) knew where to get free clothing. 

I could feel some of the others eyes on me , wishing they were having their own conversations.  Our break was almost over to I excused myself and went to the bathroom, taking a few deep breaths, praying to get through the next hour of class.

Yesterday as I was still feeling the pain of this event I took the scarves and some coffee and sugar to the Mission, they gave me a tour of their facility.  The lady explained they have been offering coffee, donuts and free clothing for over a hundred years.  There is even a chapel on one side, a nice kitchen  where they prepare the coffee, complete with dishwasher to wash all the cups.  They had served about 130 that morning.  In addition to this gathering place for the poor they have showers and a laundry area they can use once a week.

I was touched by the man, homeless or not as I looked in his eyes.  He represented every human soul who has had many struggles in life, whether it be lack of money, alcohol or drug abuse, mental illness, and the list goes on and on.  I am thankful for the blessing I received as I shook his hand and looked into his eyes.

 I prayed that evening in class to have compassion for the lady who hurt my heart, I feel compassion for her now as we all have a dark side as well as a light side.  I wonder how many individuals I have offended or hurt by words or actions that were not intended to hurt, but were perceived as such.

ENJOYING THE MOMENTS

the hole

"It's not so much the hole inside me that I mind,"

she said.

It's the weight that's in that hole"

"then take the weight out and

leave it behind and fill the hole

with things that will make you fly,"

was her reply

terri st.cloud

The weight inside my heart was was very heavy many times during the month of September, so much so that I realized I had not truly enjoyed the beautiful weather and all that nature provides.  I stepped out onto the deck and there on the glider seat lay a single red maple leaf reminding me again how much I had missed of life just as the maple leaf did about twenty-five years ago.  All of our trees have green maple leaves still so I was thankful that this special leaf once again landed to give me a wake up call. 

 So I started to list the moments I could remember when I experienced miracles of the day. The first was assisting Daryl and Chris and their two dogs on Labor Day and what a blessing they were in my life.  Then I recalled the times during September that the Hummingbirds were feeding morning and evening storing up energy for their long flight to southern parts unknown to me. 

Taking our dog Sunny to Washington Park one beautiful day to read and try to get my life in balance.  As I got Sunny out of the car a young Mother called to me that her little one wanted to see my dog.  She brought him over and as I leaned over to talk to him he reached up his little arms for me to pick him up.  I hugged him close and his chubby cheeks were just inches from mine and I didn't want to put him down.  His Mom said he doesn't go to strangers and was surprised by his reaching up immediately.  She told me that she was taking classes at our Junior College and had skipped classes to be with him.  She was on bed rest during her pregnancy and that she had never left him with babysitters and that her parents were watching him while she went to school and I believe she was a single Mom.  His name was Uriah and he was a year old.  I picked him up again after he petted Sunny and his little body felt so precious.  I have never had that feeling even with my own Grandchildren.

I watched her as she showed him the ducks and walked around taking pictures of him by the trees and flowers and I felt old as I reflected back to my days as a very young Mom.  That memory of holding little Uriah and feeling God blessed me with that precious baby wanting me to hold him..  I came home and looked up the meaning of his name and in Hebrew it means 'God is Light' or 'My God is Light' and I knew the Divine placed him on my path that day and that God's love nourished my soul.

Buying the book by Norman Vincent Peale on Positive Imaging that my friend had blogged a story about I came across a story on page 95 about an elderly gentleman that had a habit of saying 'Today is going to be a terrific day'.  I changed this and for the past week have said many times throughout the day 'Today is going to be a beautiful day,'   This has  changed the way I view my circumstances as I set out to enjoy the beauty of life.

Someone recently said to me that at night when we lay our head on our pillow to know that I  did the best that I could that day.  So every day I strive to do the best I can and enjoy each beautiful day because we don't know how many beautiful days we have.

LIVING YOUR LIFE

truly alive

"living to please was exhausting.

she had to leave their expectations behind.

listening to her heart, she followed.

following her heart, she danced.

and she began to feel truly alive"

terri st. cloud

In having to set boundaries recently with and elderly relative I did indeed feel a twinge of guilt and yet at the same time a sense of deep relief that I was taking care of my emotional health.  I cannot allow myself to be the scapegoat for all of her venting on things I cannot fix or being blamed for things I did not do.  And so someone else will be running errands and and taking her to Doctor visits, someone she really likes and that doesn't have a past with her to trigger emotional melt downs.  I will still be involved doing what I can at a distance.

How can I live my life if I am emotionally drained and exhausted?   No I must take care of myself first so that I will be able to do for others.